The 1/3 Life Crisis
I've got a friend who's turning 30 in a couple months. The intensity level of her frenzied rants increase with every passing day. This is nothing new to me, last year my bff turned 30 and I listened to her rants. The year before that I turned 30 and had my own panics.
"I thought I would be doing better than this!"
"What if I never get married"
"I'm such a loser."
"I haven't acheived anything!"
(These are some of the texts I've received in the last five minutes,)
According to people I've vented to as my phone lit up, this is not something that is limited to just my group of friends. Women all over see turning 30 as a do or die moment. Either you have the career you want or you never will. Either you have a house or you never will. Either you have children or you never will. You got it or you don't. Why do we think that? Especially since the average woman will live to be 86 or above! Women are experiencing a 1/3 life crisis. If you're going through this same thing then I am going to tell you the same thing I told both of my friends and what I had to tell myself: your 30th birthday, is just another birthday, just like turning 9 or 28. There is nothing special about this birthday.
We, as a culture, put so much emphasis on ourselves in relation to birthdays that it is hard not to feel a certain way when we don't have what we want by the time we get there. For instance, when you turned 5, that meant it was time to start school. At 16 didn't you dream of a fabulous party and going to get your license? 18 meant being able to legally move away from your folks or go to college. When you turned 21 did you plan a great night of shots and vomit? So what have you heard is supposed to happen when you turn 30?
Society tells us that idealy we should have a well paying job, be close to paying off our student loans, be married with a kid on the way if you don't have one already, and generally have everything falling in place. Your life should be on the brink of perfect. Through movies, family, and everyday observations you expected the same to happen to you. Yet it hasn't, what gives? Maybe you didn't go to college, perhaps you are already married and divorced, there are a million reasons why your life would not measure out the way you or society tells you it should have. So what does happen when you turn 30?
You Get Cake (maybe) And Some Geezer Jokes Thrown Your Way (definitely)
Hey look it's you and your 29 year old friend
May you go out with some friends for dinner, maybe you don't. Maybe you get a few presents, maybe you dont. What will happen is that somone will call you old and continue to for a couple days after. They freaked out, now it's your turn to feel their pain.
What Is This New Hangover Hell?
They won't be looking that happy when that hangover hits them
Last year, at your 29th birthday dinner, you downed 4 glasses of white wine during the evening and was still able to make yourself some scrambled eggs in the morning. Suddenly the eggs can wait, all you want is some Advil and for the sun to disappear forever. Your hangover will get worse, and worse, and worse until you finally understand why your Grandma drinks one glass of wine but only on special ocassions. It's not because she was being responsible, it's because the hangover was never worth it!
Suddenly People Start Coming To You For Advice
No I do not have a degree in Business but I do have a PhD in How To Spot A Jerk
Wait, you just figured out how to change the time on your coffee maker for DST after owning it for two years. Why is your 17 year old cousin asking your opinion on anything? Even if you work as a cashier at a grocery store, you make up for noncorporate experience with life experience. You may not know what accounts receivable are but you do know exactly where they should go to have a great time in NYC. Your life experience makes you worth a lot in the eyes of younger people. Cherish it and give them the best advice you can.
You Will Gain Weight If You Don't Exercise
Just 1000 more and I'll burn off the calories from that salad I had for lunch
All of those years you took for granted eating a whole pizza while binge watching your favorite TV shows and not gaining a pound. Now you will acually have to do some cardio if you plan on fitting into that bikini before summer comes. It is a cruel reality that you can either accept or work on.
Your Body Will Start To Ache
Where does it hurt?
What part of EVERYWHERE are you not understanding?
Remember when you could sleep on one of those pull away beds with two other girls while on Spring Break and woke up feeling like a million bucks? Say goodbye to those days forever! Bumping your knee against the corner of a table may be resulted in a little bruise, now you're limping for three days. Might as well buy that stock in Pfizer now.
Now THESE are some of the things that will happen when you turn 30! Ok so maybe that didn't help but here's somthing that will:
If you don't like where your life is headed then do something about it...
I'm not talking about anything drastic like quitting your job to travel India when you can't speak the language, but sitting around pouting isn't going to get you anywhere. Take a language course, learn how to surf, do hair on the weekends, join a dating site. Do what it takes to make your dreams come true. You've only lived 1/3 of your life, there's a lot left to live. Just do your best and have no regrets. Until next time amigas, adios!